by Wendi Gilbert and MissRepresentation.org
Today’s shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut was horrifying, devastating, unthinkable…really, there are no words for such a senseless tragedy. Besides the grief, a lot of people are talking about gun control, and rightfully so. The three guns found at Sandy Hook today were all purchased legally. It is too easy for people to obtain deadly firearms. You can order “bulk ammunition that’s ready to ship” on the internet. There is no doubt that there are too many guns, and that the gun lobby fights all efforts to regulate them. That said, in addition to looking at the gun control issue, there is an umbrella issue that needs some attention.
Through the film project I am co-producing at MissRepresentation.org, I have been educated and become frightfully aware that our society has a “boy crisis.” There have been at least 62 mass shootings in the US in the last 30 years, and 61 of them were committed by men, according to Mother Jones.
“Why are girls, who live in the same environment, not responding in the same way?”
In the aftermath of the 1999 Columbine shootings, Jackson Katz, one of America’s leading anti-sexist male activists, educators, authors, and cultural theorists wrote, “accessibility of guns, the lack of parental supervision, the culture of peer-group exclusion, or the prevalence of media violence, all of these factors are of course relevant, but if they were the primary answers, then why are girls, who live in the same environment, not responding in the same way?”
The film series we are currently producing is called The Mask You Live In. It explores “what it means to be a man in our society and the extremes of masculinity imposed on our boys and men. It further uncovers how American culture reinforces a rigid code of conduct on boys that inhibits their capacity for empathy, stifles their emotional intelligence, limits their definition of success, and in some cases, leads to extreme acts of violence. The film series will expose the social, economic, and political ramifications of a society that exists with this underlying cultural and historical phenomenon. And, most importantly, the film will offer solutions and hope.”
As a society, we are outraged and we are wounded. We desperately need solutions. And, hopefully, we all want to do something to make a difference.
As I sit here in Northern California, I ask myself, “how can I possibly do anything that would make a difference for that grief stricken family whose child’s room is empty tonight?” How can I possibly make any difference to the town of Newton, Connecticut – who will have to carry today’s horror and sadness with them, forevermore?
What we can do is teach our young boys and young men that being emotional and empathetic are part of “being a man.” That “sharing one’s feelings to sort out one’s problems” is a masculine trait. We need some new definitions of “manly” so our boys can express and know their full selves, not just the culturally accepted “extremes” that predominately exist today.
And here’s two things we can do right away: One is to feel the horrendous grief of the moment so we are being honest with ourselves that our society is certainly messed up. And next, we can engage in and expand this conversation. Share your own thoughts below or on our Facebook page.
Today is a tragic day. But I feel blessed to be a part of this project, working to create the change that is SO needed in our world.
Wendi Gilbert is a Co-Producer of the upcoming film series, The Mask You Live In, as well as the Special Projects Director at MissRepresentation.org.
One point, as it says in the article you link:
“Guns used in Newtown school shooting legally purchased by suspect’s mother”
As the suspect himself was under 21 he would not have been able to legally acquire the handguns that were actually used in the shooting.
Also, considering that the states in question have some of the strongest gun control in the nation, your thesis of this as a culture issue is even more strongly highlighted.
The strict gun control in CT indeed makes the argument on masculinity even stronger!
I am not American. I am in deep grief about this tragedy. But what kind of “strongest” gun control are you speaking about when one can legally buy automatic repetitive assault weapons.
Thank you for the work you do. Seeking acceptance and justice from Sandy hook, ct
I keep thinking about the line from American President when Michael Douglas says “now, we’re going to go after the guns.”. I’m now waiting to hear those same words from President Obama.
Most of my own ideas about masculinity have been deeply informed by James Baldwin essays, “Nobody Knows My Name” and “Here Be Dragons”; both are collected in The Price of the Ticket. Looking forward to your film. GCB
We need to be less concerned with the how, and more concerned with the why. Maybe the tragedy wouldn’t have been as bad if he hadn’t had a gun. Maybe he would have had a knife and “only” killed one or two kids. Or maybe he would have made a bomb and killed even more. Guns are only a tool, it’s what an individual decides to do with it that is important. And we need to be asking ourselves why.
You bring up an excellent point. While women are more marginalized in our society, there is one way where they have an advantage. A woman who is seen as having masculine traits and interests isn’t ridiculed like a man who has feminine traits and interests is.
It’s permissible, even laudable, to be a “tomboy”. Many famous celebrity women describe themselves that way. You’ll never hear any man describe themselves as a “sissy” (except in certain limited circumstances).
The pressure society puts on people to conform to its arbitrary definition of normal is a pressure cooker, and eventually, either you have to release the pressure safely, or it will release in a harmful way. Whether it’s as depression, suicide, violence, or some other problem.
I agree strongly with your statement, although I wouldn’t have used the term ‘sissy’. I ‘as a female’ don’t use that term for any other females nor males. Tomboy has no negative vibes, while sissy sounds like women are weak. Neither sex wish to be considered weak; therefore neither would want to have that term placed on them.
I suppose that is why they place that term onto men to embarrass and taut them, but at the same time ‘those that do so’ are putting down all humans.
This is so insightful. Makes me reflect on the effects of my emotional control and the social implication!
How about just teaching the new generations (both boys and girls) how to be better human beings in general. No need to blame sex.
Unfortunatly to teach the next generation how to be better human beings requires a complete rethink of our social standards – for example competition, how big companies use us and so on. This is not something that can be just “done,” it is something that would require a supreme act of will and i dont think society in General has it in itself to do anything so radical.
I agree with most of this with the exception of further restricting firearms. We’ve restricted them in the past in many ways, including making schools gun free zones in the first place. That law sure helped those kids, didn’t it? The only reasonable way to stop a violent shooting is with defensive shooting. We don’t have to choose between safe children and our human rights. Allow teachers to be armed, maybe even allow scchools to privately hire armed security, and just look for alternate solutions in general. Attacking firearms every time there’s a shooting has become a knee jerk reaction, and quite frankly it’s just plain childish.
Youre right, attacking firearms is just plain childish – the fact that they did not actually do the shooting, the person behind the gun did – is irrelevant – we need guns – yup society is so lawless and violent that we need to show those who use weapons that we are just as capable of using them back – meet might with might. Sounds a bit primative but it also feels right – hmm, i wonder why so many european countries have complete firearm restrictions – sure when you review the statistics they have far fewer murders per head – but a man has to feel like a man and he can only do that if he has a weapon, preferably concealed. Of course there is the possibility that if you make a mockery of a man carrying a weapon, or upset him enough, he might use it – but never in a civilised society like America.
I always thought decent health care and education, and the right to feel safe at work and at home were human rights, not to be able to be armed better than the standing armies of some small nations so that you can blow things to pieces. But, then again the US right have some bizarre ideas of what human and civil rights are.
While I applaud the work that must be done to teach boys and men about empathy and decrease selfishness, until we are several generations further on, we still need to restrict assault weapons. You may find it a kneejerk reaction, but it most assuredly is not. Indeed, restricting the availability of assault weapons has been proven in other countries to dramatically decrease violence among men and boys, not just gun violence. When assault weapons have been banned and gun murders have dropped, there hasn’t been a corresponding increase in knife murders, for example. In addition, there are less suicides when there is stricter gun control. Gun control doesn’t mean taking away all guns. It means that dealers can’t sell guns at trade shows without appropriate paperwork and waiting periods. It means people can own handguns, shotguns, or rifles, for self-defense, but not ‘assault weapons’ for mass murder. That’s all it means. Until we have a cultural shift in the way boys and men are able to articulate and express their emotions, we need to protect them, and ourselves, from the volatility that comes with the current way our society expects males to express themselves.
One of the teachers did have a gun. Several. She was the shooters mother. Her killed her with one of them, along with 20 babies. Think! Stop parroting foolishness and think!
are you insane?! No one needs an automatic weapon in their house. They have one purpose, and that is to kill as many as possible in a very short time..Competition guns should be kept at the ranger
Although your thesis needs to be examined, I am somewhat hesitant to ascribe this type of violence to it. Mainly because I think that males in America have more support for being emotionally expressive, caring and demonstrable than ever before. Compare the extreme emotional restrictions on men in the 1940s or 1950s; the emotional distance of fathers in their families compared to the emotional inclusion of most of today’s fathers. It is much more acceptable for males in America to express themselves now than probably ever before. And this doesn’t explain why we have so much more violence than other extremely repressive male cultures around the world.
In this case, mental illness was also a factor, as it was in all of the other cases of these senseless acts. Of course, how could any mentally healthy person do these things? Mental illness awareness needs to be a priority for us as a people. Not just here, but world wide. (Remember Norway?)
Katrina,
By your defintion for some one to commit such a crime in peace time one must have amnetal illness. there have been people who have committed massacres who havent had a diagnosed mental illness.I worry your approach will only stimatise mental illness further and make it even harder for people to get help as they will be afraid they will be seen as violent. The fact is people with mental illness are at far greater risk of being hurt by others or themeselves, than are at risk of harming others. Check the statistics.
All I can think of is how badly someone must be hurting to be able to hurt others this way. I do not justify this horrible act in anyway but in the prevention of these things happening we have got to do our part to make a difference. Blaming society and anger are not going to fix the problem.
How might we begin to encourage the “boy crisis” to become a “boy with community affirming solutions”?
[...] stayed with me all day and I think is important enough to share is from missrepresentation http://www.missrepresentation.org/media/the-newtown-shooting-and-redefining-masculinity/ 15 Dec 2012 The Newtown Shooting and Why We Must Redefine Masculinity Posted in Documentary, [...]
First commenter incorrect – guns WERE legally purchased, by shooter’s mother.
That is what was said.
The legally obtained the guns, now all we have to find out is why?
My response was that the shooter’s Mother legally obtained the weapons, my question is why did she need all those guns as well as an assault rifle? Was she expecting trouble?
I do not believe that the problem lies in the availability of guns and ammunition. I believe these horrific crimes are caused by the breakdown of the family. The fact that more boys create these crimes is because boys are more drawn to guns because it’s a masculine thing. you can’t tell me that that mother didn’t know something was amiss with her son or sons. Boy’s are more affected by the loss of the father living in the home. I believe she dropped the ball and she didn’t pay attention or chose to sweep the dysfunction under the rug. I also believe that these violent video games don’t help. It desensitizes killing. They are played over and over. If a car commercial, proven to sell cars or else they wouldn’t be spending so much money on marketing, can sell you are car by watching it over and over, imagine what these violent video games,and the media coverage on violence everyday, and the too realistic movies, do to our psyche!
We need to pay more attention to our kids, and monitor their activities. and if something is wrong, get them help!
Do you have intimate knowledge of the family?
I can not believe that it took sixteen posts about gun control, before someone brought up the breakdown of the family, and no where is it mentioned in the article. tsk, tsk
It is sad that so many fathers are shut out of their children’s lives. A man finds himself on hard times and is penalized by loosing driving privileges, excessive interest on overdue payments and even incarceration, but worse of all these infractions, he is no longer seen fit to be a father, loosing visiting privileges as well . Seems we do everything we can to keep them out of the family dynamics. How can that benefit anyone? I believe it is this and not gun control laws that is the largest culprit in the plight of the American male. When will this be seriously addressed, so men can be men, and fathers?
you are very very wrong, it’s not the only problem, but guns are at the top. No one and I mean NO ONE needs to have an automatic weapon or semi auto in their house.
A well-written, well-thought out piece for your first published blog. It’s unfortunate that it had to be written about such a horrific subject.
“The center cannot hold. . .”. I feel drawn to the ” birth1222 ” movement. “The rest is silence.” And thank you, Wendi
I applaud these thoughts, and they are well overdue. It takes much too much courage to be an empathetic and caring male. I’d be more hopeful, however, if a male were making the film you describe. I’d love to believe men can listen as women advise how they should be, but that’s part of the problem isn’t it?
David, some of do, and often get flack for so doing.
Dave
Today’s violence was the act of an individual. We urge media, government and community leaders to speak out against any effort to spuriously link the Autistic or broader disability community with violent crime. Autistic Americans and other groups of people with disabilities persist in facing discrimination and segregation in school, the workplace and the general community. In this terrible time, our society should not further stigmatize our community.
I hate to disagree with so many commenters, but this is not a well-written or well-thought out piece at all. I’ll explain.
First, I pulled a definition of “masculine” from Mirriam-Webster’s dictionary, because the word “masculine” has so many meanings (since it’s an entirely sociologically constructed phenomena) depending upon who one is speaking to. The dictionary defined “masculine” as: “having qualities appropriate to or usually associated with a man.”
These qualities vary from culture to culture, of course, with every culture having distinctive masculine traits. So, I must ask, in what culture is mass-murder (or attempted mass murder) considered appropriate or normatively associated with men?
Historically, violence has not been a specifically masculine trait. Remember, a cultural definition of masculinity is primarily concerned with an idealized notion of what a man is. Suggesting that violence is a masculine ideal is ridiculous. Imagine if some sexist monster decided to capitalize upon a different type of tragedy (how about a mother who is suffering from debilitating postpartum depression murdering her children) by claiming that femininity needs to be redefined because women kill children. Look at FBI crime statistics and you’ll find that children under the age of 5 in the United States are more likely to be killed by their parents than by anyone else, and that more than 200 women (who commit less than 13 percent of all violent crimes) kill their children in the United States each year, and 3-5 children are murdered by their parents every day here in the U.S.
How offensive and stupid would it be to frame this type of data as evidence for a crisis of femininity in our culture, and to blame our culture for creating a world where women kill children? It would be senseless, counterproductive, exploitative and derogatory, to say the least. That type of knee-jerk, reactionary coverage of a tragedy takes away from our ability to find meaningful solutions to real problems. The guns aren’t the problem (though there are obvious problems related to easy access to weapons here in the U.S.), and masculinity isn’t the problem. The problem is mental illness. Sometimes, mentally unstable people do terrible things. They need help.
Stop using the death of children as a soapbox for your cause, and show a little sympathy.
All of this is true, but there is one missing piece. Look at the suicide rates of men and boys and compare them to the rates of girls and women. Get over the line that women attempt suicide more often than boys and men; that is simply a restatement of the same point. Boys are killing themselves, but generally they do so quietly and leave only a small circle of family and friends to grieve. At least the gay community is doing something for the thirty percent or so of the suicides that are the consequence of homophobia. The seventy percent or so who did not feel that heat are treated as individuals not as boys or men. Look at the cases; almost all ended in the suicide of the shooter.
Why are boys killing themselves in these numbers and why aren’t girls? Why is it that there have been no studies funded to ask the question? All of the question asked above about girls and boys growing up in the same environment can be asked about the differences in suicide rates. As a society we take the lives of boys for granted. As Michael Thompson writes, we treat them as pampered princes or as vicious criminals. In other words we neglect them. So it should not surprise anyone that eventually some snap.
A wonderful project you are working on, and very important. However, there is an elephant in the room: the undeniable fact that there must (also) be a BIOLOGICAL characteristic of maleness that permits some of us to do these horrible things. We need to address that issue as well.
Maybe we need to start bringing God back to our society. Young and old alike are lost souls in this culture of death we live in today. There is little respect for life. It is no wonder we are witnessing tragedies like this now days.
[...] pointed out by Wendi Gilbert for Miss Representation , Katz said after the 1999 Columbine shootings that “accessibility of [...]
Good article. It beats my why you guys need so gund in the house these days. In Australia we haven’t had guns in the house for years, unless they’re needed on the farm.
Estimated number of children killed by US drones: 150.
You really make it appear really easy along with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I believe I might never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and very broad for me. I’m taking a look forward on your next publish, I will try to get the cling of it!
[...] Women’s rights organisation MissRepresentation has released shocking figures in the aftermath of the Connecticut school shooting stating that, of the 62 mass [...]
Hello Wendi – THANK YOU. Well written post. I would be very happy to speak to you about your work – and to connect you to an organization of men working on exactly the issue you raise. There is a ManKind Project community in Northern California. Please take a look.
So I was interested in what you had said about the ManKind project and researched it. I have two boys and a husband and would love for them to have a supportive group of feeling caring men. But the descriptions of the weekends are scary. It sounds like a cult for sure. If this is your idea of manhood, I fear for those who stumble into this.
[...] [...]
How about we consider that many American males also go through circumcision as infants. The pain and trauma is so intense that it’s been shown to alter the brain chemistry. People say, “oh, but they don’t remember it.” Maybe, but tell me: when, exactly, do they forget? Let’s stop strapping down our boys and crushing 20,000 nerve ending before we then slice off an exquisite and personal part of their body. Respect, anyone?
so it’s only circumcised males that commit these crimes? What about all those people who have had their appendix or gall bladders removed, and heaven help you if you run into someone who has ahd a tonsillectomy
Guns don’t kill. They are metal and don’t even know how to reload themselves. Its the person operating the gun that are bad. Cars smash people and kill them. We don’t say cars are bad its the operator who kills.
I left a very short and to the point post about the children being killed by US drones. I’m interested to know why it has been deemed unworthy of publication on this blog. Very relevant I think.
Why do I have such a negative reaction to this article? I feel like it basically says, “If men weren’t such…. men! … we wouldn’t have these problems.” Because 61 out of 62 times in the last 30 years, some guy lost his mind and killed a bunch of people. Therefore, our entire definition of what it is to be a man must be wrong. Never mind the millions (billions?) of other men who haven’t gone on shooting rampages and have likely been under just as much or more stress than this guy or the other 60. Do we really need to learn to cry, or is there maybe something else? I don’t think redefining masculinity will do anything, except alienate men who didn’t do anything wrong with their current lifestyles and ideas of masculinity. Heaping on more “your very way of life is wrong because you’re a man” on men who aren’t violent is probably not a good thing. Or is masculinity in and of itself now considered a mental illness? This article makes me feel dirty for being a man. Ah, that’s why – it equates masculinity with murder. I’m a murderer because I’m a man. “Well, see, he did it, so you must also be capable of such atrocities.” That’s why I feel dirty. I’m a mass murderer now.
The need for a change in our cultural expectations and definition of masculinity has been on the agenda since at least the early 80′s (Herb Goldberg, Warren Farrell, Phyllis
chesler, Murray Scher, John Lee and other wrote about it) The much maligned men’s movement struggled with the issue of anger and aggression in men and boys. Many men’s groups continue to do the inner work and community work to change their lives and the lives of their sons to a gently more complete emotional life. The fact that violent acts such as the one we now mourn are carried out by young men reflect the depth and strength of the cultural commitment to violence. In movies it is entertainment. In the military it is required and honed.It sport and business the competitive (which is often an element in violence) is rewarded.
We have made progress with individual men and boys, but not so much with the normative culture.
That said, we should not limit our attention/response to masculinity but to the lack of services for men with mental illness as well.
[...] http://www.missrepresentation.org/media/the-newtown-shooting-and-redefining-masculinity/ [...]
Your argument seems to have weight until you consider the reality that 4000 innocent lives are taken every day in this country by their own MOTHERS while still in the womb, where they ought to be safest and most protected. Yet it is done legally and often quite secretly.
[...] Masculinity: That same media hold the young white man as both hero and anti-hero, wielding the weapons of destruction. Our imagined worlds are painted by the anxieties, fears, and needs of young men in search of identity—and we need to help them find a healthier one. See Wendy Gilbert’s post about the Newtown shooting and masculinity here. [...]
[...] The Newtown Shooting and Why We Must Redefine Masculinity Connecting gun violence to masculinity norms http://www.missrepresentation.org/media/the-newtown-shooting-and-redefining-masculinity/. [...]
I appreciate your take on the issue of gun violence beyond the obvious problems with gun control–and look forward to your film!
[...] “The Newtown Shooting and Why We Must Redefine Masculinity“ Share this: « Youtube Celebrity Anti-Slut-Shaming Response Roundup! Cancel [...]
[...] förklaringarna, skrev bland andra Wendi Gilbert och Jackson Katz med en djupare analys. I den här korta och den här lite mer omfattande artikeln problematiserar dem rådande maskulinitetsnormer [...]
[...] the tragedy in Newtown for many reasons. The first is one that is often a struggle-many people have already written about it, and most of them are better informed about it than me, for reasons that will soon [...]
[...] as women? The longer men refuse to express their needs and admit that they are not bulletproof, the longer we will all suffer due to their need to prove themselves as powerful and [...]
[...] solved. And then there are some issues—remember all the talk after the Newtown massacre about changing the norms of masculinity?—that are extremely urgent but don’t really have to do with policy reform at all. What are we [...]