Women Are Not Their Own Worst Beauty Critics

Last week, Dove’s “Real Beauty Sketches” ad went seriously viral across the web. And by viral we’re talking millions of YouTube views, a New York Times article and a parody within the span of a few days. Regardless of your opinion on the ad, it’s clear it has struck a nerve and contributed to a necessary conversation.

But there is one particular strand of this conversation which seems especially worth further investigation. Whether it was in TIME’s twitter feed or in individual’s Facebook posts, many have used some variation of this phrase in relation to the commercial: “women are their own worst critics when it comes to how they look.”

It seems innocuous enough (probably because we’ve heard it before) but when we think about it some more, there’s definitely something a little off about that statement.

Many people do lack self-confidence, and there is certainly more pressure on women to be conscious of their own appearance than men, but is it really the case that women are more critical of that appearance than everyone else?

First of all, the whole entire world is critical of the way women look. Whether you are a supermodel, a teenager or even Secretary of State, if you’re a female, there are people all around you ready to tell you how bad your body looks. Secondly, the idea that women are valuable only for their beauty permeates nearly every facet of modern society, from the billboards we walk past to the social media we use daily. And this idea that women should be reduced to their appearance originated almost entirely in the minds and actions of men. And it is still largely perpetuated today by men – who run over 90% of our media.

So to say women are their own “worst critics” when it comes to beauty puts the blame on women for a beauty-obsessed, body-shaming and misogynistic world created and maintained largely by dudes.

Of course women should be encouraged to defy this worldview and fight the media’s impossible beauty ideal. And perhaps the sheer number of times a woman looks in the mirror is greater than the number of times a man walks by and harasses her (though, I wouldn’t necessarily bet on it). And you probably do know more about the shape of your own nose than anyone else does. But you know who almost certainly judges women’s appearance more harshly than women? These guys:

And teenage boys like those in the horrific Steubenville video.

And all the men called-out daily by Everyday Sexism:

All the guys who create and frequent Facebook’s plethora of misogynistic pages devoted to degrading, objectifying and/or celebrating sexual violence directed at women express far more viscerally demeaning thoughts about female appearance than most women ever do. As do those men on the seemingly endless threads of hatred on reddit.

All the men in the world who feel entitled to women’s bodies, and feel entitled to have an opinion about those bodies, and sometimes even feel entitled to touch and hurt those bodies – they are the worst critics of women’s beauty. They are the ones who most often turn criticism into objectification, dehumanization and even violence.

We can all strive to be more confident and to value ourselves more, and clearly that is the intention of this Dove-inspired conversation around women’s self-image and beauty. But it’s not helpful for us to so dramatically overstate the role women play in a negative culture of judgement created and maintained largely by men. In a world where we are all constantly pummeled with images of the hypersexualized hyperfeminine thin female ideal, it is not so surprising that some women have distorted self-images.

So, women are not their own worst critics when it comes to beauty. And instead of saying they are over and over, let’s question the larger cultural environment in which we are all taught – regardless of gender – to value women first for their looks, and second for what they say or do. Let’s also not let those who objectify women, who harass women online and off, or who profit from industries exploiting the beauty ideal, off the hook.

If we really want women (and everyone else) to feel better about themselves then we should also be challenging these men and boys to take a second look at how they talk about women and women’s bodies – and the negative impact it is having on our world.

Imagine a video where a few men have a curtain lifted, and suddenly they recognize the role they play in perpetuating rape culture. Now that would be something truly shocking to watch.

Imran is the Social Media and Communications Director at MissRepresentation.org. Follow him on Twitter @imransiddiquee

109 Comments

  1. Izzie says:

    While I agree that considering the amount of men behind advertising and media we can’t put all the blame on women, the culture of ‘thin-ness’ is generally not supported by men as individuals, but by the masses of the beauty/modelling/fashion industries and those ordinary people who agree with it (usually women), so how could you possibly link the Dove ad to rape and the mysoginistic tweets of a couple of idiots out there? It seems like a hasty generalisation and completely untrue to me to say that many women have negative body images because of rape culture. In fact, I would say the opposite; the reason why being skinny is the new beautiful for women is because it is a way for women to be perceived as beautiful without being at risk of harassment by men. By losing curves and becoming more “masculine”, one looks less like a ‘traditional’ woman and the initial lust that rapists, etc, see is not there.
    I definitely agree that the rape culture we have today is disgusting and we need to fix it in this generation. But targeting ads that are designed to empower women isn’t the place.
    Maybe we should make more ads/PSAs about rape culture to tackle those issues.

    • Pru says:

      I agree to a certain extent… but I would like to point out that being very skinny (and the possible health complications that come with that) in order to avoid harrassment and rape comes directly from rape culture! Why on earth should women find ways to not be raped? Surely that idea promotes victim responsibility? A woman should be able to be who she is, whatever shape she may come in, and in whatever clothes she choses to wear, without fear of rape.

    • Amanda says:

      you’ve identified “lust” as a precipitating factor in rape, and assume that women seek to avoid that by becoming more masculine. Rape isn’t about lust. It’s about power, and while some rapists may be turned away from a potential victim if they seem stronger or “more masculine,” there are just as many who see a challenge, something to conquer, in that. Rape culture isn’t primarily about women’s appearance. It’s about the entitlement some men feel to women and their bodies.

      • Aimée says:

        this is confusing. it’s either saying that women don’t see their real “beauty” or it’s saying that what they actually look like isn’t beautiful to begin with. the stranger’s perception (which is implied to be the real one) still fits into all sorts of beauty stereotypes. ah well, it’s dove, i wouldn’t trust them to know what the hell they are talking about anyway.

      • daniella says:

        You are spot on as far as the power thing in men goes. Simply put they use their penis as a weapon and we must find ways to disarm them. Starving oneself into skeletal shapes will not do the trick. A good self-defense class and use of common sense is a strong deterrent. acceptance and aid to women such as lesbians who are subjected in some parts of the world to “corrective rape” is a vital step. Lust? Think of the five-year-old recent raped in India and left for dead. No lust there, just hatred and a sense of male supremacy. We have work to do.

    • weeona says:

      You lost me at “lust rapists see”. Rape isn’t about lust or them finding someone attractive and “rapeable”, it’s about power. Period. Plenty of women who do not fit the societal ideal of beauty are raped. This comment just made me face desk really hard because it so misses the point.

      • Holly says:

        Whilst I get that lust isn’t *the* reason that rapes happen, and maybe not a factor in all/many instances, to say that “Power” is the be all end all just replaces one narrative dogma with another. I find it a real stretch to conceptualise my own experiences as being about power; it seemed to be more opportunism, perhaps entitlement, whatever… probably not lust, if I said that I’d be both vain and victim-blamey.

        We can say it’s about power… Nietzsche argued *everything* is about power, and Freud said *everything* was about lust. Either case can be made, but to assert either as a sole motivator runs the risk of dehumanising the person who wasn’t a rapist before they raped someone.

        If we limit the discussion to “it’s about power, full stop” we forget the cases of rape that happen when people are really bad at understanding consent, and the impact rape culture has on instances. Power full stop would give us no reason to evangelise consent as we do, and no hope of reducing the number of people who decide to rape… which we do! :)

    • Vanessa says:

      I only want to reply to your comment: “…and the initial lust that rapists, etc, see…”

      You MUST know rape is not a crime of passion, but an act of violence.

    • Aimée says:

      sorry but this is a very thing to say.
      I am and have always been naturally skinny, never had to change my diet to stay that way, and I still get harrassed fairly often. are you suggesting that harassment only occurs or happens to women who do fit into the perceived stereotype of “beauty” (which you have implied is defined by having “feminine” traits like more curves?). It seems like you are. And it also seems like you’re implying that it’s more likely for “hot” women to be victims of verbal, physical, sexual abuse and rape. Very inaccurate and naive.

    • Ana says:

      Who owns the fashion industries?
      I think that the current patriarchal collective female identity (which I think to be a distortion) is a result of 7000-9000 years of patriarchy. No wonder so many women agree with it. They are depending on it. Women’s networks – like the ones that still exist in the few remaining matrilinear and matrilocal societies in some remote places in the world- have been desrtoyed thousands of years ago. It destroyed women’s identity and self-esteem. Violence and misogyny are part of women’s daily life ever since. So no wonder they agree with this distorted image:They do not know anything else. Their mothers did , their grandmothers did…and so forth. It’ll take a long long time to change this. Forst of all we’ll have to refuse to identify with patriarchal ideals: inconsiderateness, insensibility, perversion, greed. As long as we do not refuse this the process of patriarchalization will go on.

    • Jen R says:

      Izzie, to say that being less curvy = more masculine-looking and is therefore a defense mechanism women have developed in order to remain beautiful and not become rape or sexual harassment victims is absolutely absurd. Rape is not about lust, it’s about power. Body type and curves (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with it.Your excuse just reinforces the idea that women are victims of men, no matter what, and that we’re powerless to influence change of their misogynistic behaviors.

  2. I agree Izzie, and did not intend to attack the Dove video, just this idea that women are worse critics of themselves than others. Was hoping to point out that there are some men out there who say worse things about women’s bodies than women do, and that we need to engage and challenge them just as we empower women to feel more confident (as this video does). Primarily because when men comment on women’s looks it can carry a different – often frightening – weight. And I’d love for more men to realize this.

  3. Pam says:

    I think the Dove ad does perpetuate the stereotype of women being beautiful before all else, why else would you have an ‘event’ that seeks to show that women are more beautiful than they realise!
    So what really.

  4. Bert says:

    Imran,

    I’d like to get your take on what the “Ideal” Dove would look like

    • Hi Bert! I don’t have a huge problem with the Dove ad per say (as far as videos trying to sell us something, it’s on the more positive end of the spectrum), but it’s the way in which people have been talking about it – using this phrase about women being their own worst critics – which I was responding to. That idea is what I find potentially harmful.

      Though, since you asked, I’d love to see a video which includes men and women making a commitment to be less critical of their own and other women’s appearance. And maybe to start valuing women for something other than their beauty. Thanks!

      • Jenn says:

        I do think that Dove should re-brand. If they truly care about the self image of women then they should consider removing the ‘Beauty’ emphasis from their product line. What ever happened to cleansers for the whole family? My favorite campaign was Lever 2000 for all your 200 parts. Equal for men, women, and children with no thought to how it will make you look, just how it will give you clean healthy skin. Dove could widen their market by re-branding to include ALL PEOPLE regardless of physical attributes.

  5. Tim says:

    I challenge the following statement from the article: “And this idea that women should be reduced to their appearance originated almost entirely in the minds and actions of men. And it is still largely perpetuated today by men – who run over 90% of our media.”

    While I don’t deny the fact that the overwhelming majority of media corporations are male-dominated and contribute to the perpetuation the objectification of women, it would be foolish to assume that a largely female editorial staff necessarily produces more progressive content. Most “women’s magazines” (Elle, Cosmopolitan, and the like) are made by female journalists and layouters, not men. It must have escaped me if those magazines, had ever uttered one word of criticism against beauty-obsession and body shaming. The devoted female readership of those magazines seems to be okay with what they see in them as well. Hence, the phrase “Women are their own worst critics” strikes me as not completely untrue.

    • Rachel says:

      the idea that judging a woman entirely on looks is not something that was started with female magazines.

      I imagine when the author said “and this idea that women should be reduced to their appearance originated almost entirely in the minds and actions of men”, it was probably a reference to the fact that, until the suffragette movement, and second wave feminism, women were judged solely on their looks and effectively brought and sold from father to husband.

      and yes, although those magazines are perhaps edited by women, 90% of them are owned by, and encouraged, by men.

  6. Craig says:

    Women should not look like women to avoid rape? What a load of crap. And what the hell does feeling good about your appearance (the point of the ad) have to do with rape culture? Imran im afraid you have gone over the top a little with this one.

  7. Denise says:

    Thank you for writing this piece. The ad was making me uncomfortable and I couldn’t figure out why. The best I could come up with was that it continued to emphasize the importance of looks, i.e. it wasn’t saying, “Your looks are not the most valuable thing about you,” it was saying, “Don’t worry, you don’t look as bad as all that.” And what about the women who DO look like the “before” pictures? Many do. The commercial clearly implies that certain looks are better than others. Rather than attempting to free women from overemphasized and patriarchal beauty standards, it instead assures (some of) us that we are acceptable by these very standards. False feminism. But your article says it much better than that. Women are not their own worst critics. If we have internalized society’s sexism and standards, that doesn’t mean we are responsible for creating those things. And instead of telling ourselves that we are more beautiful than we think we are, we should be rejecting those standards and the very idea that our appearance defines us as individuals and dictates our attractiveness (factors other than the physical) and worth. Thank you for writing this. (Also it seems you are a man? Yes? If so I am very heartened.)

    • Becky says:

      You put this very well and I couldn’t agree. I also think that the absence of any older women underlines the point. We do not fit conventional images of beauty any long. Our faces become more masculine. Our skin changes. Has our worth vanished? Or are we an inconvenient reality of the many faces what is beautiful?

  8. Denise says:

    Also, I don’t think this ad is really all that inspiring or empowering in the first place. Again, it’s telling us we’re okay by the very standards that made us feel bad in the first place. Dove has done some good ones in the past, but this one missed the mark.
    Thanks again.

  9. Meghan says:

    There’s a couple of thoughts that have popped into my head.

    1) It would be interesting to see this Dove commercial played out with men. Perhaps the truth of the matter is each individual is their own worst critic instead of the idea that women are their own worst critics.

    2) It would also be interesting to see 2 portraits described by a stranger, one, a mans description and the other, a woman’s description to see if there is a difference in judgement of appearance.

    3) While we may be habitually critical of our own appearances, at least we find beauty in one another.

  10. Catherine says:

    What strikes me in quotes from those guys (and similar others) is the fear. They don’t care if we’re skinny or not or if we wear the right clothes. What’s going on with them is far worse. Power and control, no doubt. Entitlement is interesting. Entitlement to anything devalues the very thing they believe they should have. They might get it and hate it even more. What creates that type of entitlement? That type of hate? Being left by a woman they trusted as an adult or must it begin in childhood? There is no place for that – Fb pages should be banned and shut down. These types of attitudes and beliefs should have no place for encouragement and reinforcement.

  11. Miri says:

    Women are not born chaste, warriors of feminism. There is nothing inherent that can make a women impenetrable or unaffected by the awful misogyny in media that’s mentioned in this article. I don’t think a large stretch of the imagination is needed to think that women have been conditioned to be more critical of their appearance than men. I meet misogynistic women daily and that IS NOT their fault. It’s not easy to grow out of a culture that begs you to discredit yourself. I think refuting the idea that women are often their harshest critics is handing over yet another role to men and takes away from the reality (and tragedy) of the situation. Compare the ratio of women:men who suffer from eating disorders for example. I agree with Pam though.

  12. Christine says:

    I do not know what happens at the other side of the Atlantic, but in Europe most everyday men react positively to the idea of women’s natural beauty and they mostly mock and fight the “beauty” industries of make-up, skinny legs and cosmetic surgery. Sometimes, when I read such articles, I wonder what the hell happens in the States that makes people so different!

  13. Jackie says:

    I have always been thin and I lack the physical attributes that make a woman “hot.” I have been insulted for being flat as much as anyone has been insulted for being fat, and there is nothing any diet, exercise, or product can do to change it. I am offended that this article and several posts refer to “thinness” as being the beauty standard without taking into consideration that this society makes skinny girls feel unattractive also.

  14. Libby says:

    Bravo! I was going to post a comment, but you took the words right out of my mouth, and phrased them much more eloquently.

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  19. Cindy says:

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